When I drink and drug, I am compelled to take it farther than anyone else possibly could. I started taking painkillers in high school and was up to 20 Norcos a day at the apex. I couldn’t wait to start using cocaine when i got to college. it was everything i hoped for and more. I remember I would stay up until it was gone and then start working on a handle of whiskey. 

 Maybe a year later, I found my true drug of choice; pharmaceutical amphetamines. It was love at first high. the suggested dosage didn’t last very long at all. it got to the point where i was taking 4 or 5 at a time sometimes several times a day. then came the xanax which really took the edge of all the amphetamines. my tolerance got so high that the last time I took xanax, I ate 33 2mg bars within a few minutes time. the only reason I remember that is because that was the last of my stash.

back to my love affair with amphetamines, I stayed spun for 8 years. got into meth briefly but I preferred pharmaceutical grade. I was so afraid to quit. opiate withdrawal pales in comparison to how psychologically obsessed I became. 

now it’s been over a month (one hour at a time) since I’ve taken painkillers or amphetamines. come to find out, the people I’ve met in meetings and IOP were just as hardcore as me. knowing i’m not alone makes all the difference in the world. 

now, i’m getting hardcore about my recovery…